[milkisobel]

Hre i go on the french Divers translation, i start with my favourite, feel free to correct or suggest, it's a work in progress !

Ma vie va et vient.
Ma vie va et vient.
Vol court, place libre :
Je m'allonge et sommeille.

Ma vie va et vient,
Ma vie va et vient,
Vol court, place libre :
Pauvre hôtesse.

Mais le ciel, au dessus de l'océan !
L'océan, ourlant la ville !
Et la ville, brillante comme un jardin
(quand le jardin s'éveille à moi),
De là-haut il y a comme un rayon de miel
fait de la lumière de ces drôles de maisons, se croisant :
chacune, encerclées, éteintes et seules.

Dans nos vies il y a un sens commun
qui fait que ces barrières universelles
séparent, assistent,
mais procurent une sécurité relative
de la lumière miraculeuse qui jaillit d'un trou d'épingle,
quand l'étincelle devient individuelle,
et l'individualisme s'inverse dans le miroir
de l'Amora Obscura.

Mais c'est la mienne. Ou, au moins, elle m'est prêté.
Et ma vie, jusqu'à la fin se passe
Elle est comme l'image projetée d'un sténopé, inversée.
Elle est comme l'image projetée d'un sténopé, inversée.

[Alex Ysoltsev]

Isn't the term "hôtesse" too ambiguous in this case?

[Jordan~]

How does that work, metrically and in terms of rhyming, compared to the original? I always find it hard to tell with French because metre is so flexible in song and syllables often get reduced.

[milkisobel]

haha Alex, i think you overrate my ability of managing literature here, i don't embrace the rhyming pb as it's too tricky, it's enough tricky to find the meaning of expressions. Especially as i hate poetry translation, i'm so keen on poetry but as far as possible i only read poetry in VO even if i restrict myself to three languages...

concerning hôtesse, attendant means stewart no ? i like hôtesse better as it's both in french the woman who serves you in plane and the person who invites you in her home, i like this double meaning especially with the house and individuality further

[Nemo]

I still wonder what the word pin-light means.. Celia why dyou choose "étincelle" ?

Alex as a french I think there's no better word than hôtesse for flight attendant. Celia

the song is inspired by and contains references to the poem “Falling” by James L. Dickey which was in turn inspired by a New York Times article detailing an accidental death of a female flight attendant following her fall out of an airplane in flight.

[Nemo]

(quand le jardin s'éveille pour venir à moi)

maybe

quand le jardin s'éveille à moi ?


quand l'étincelle devient individuelle,
et l'individualisme s'inverse dans le miroir
de l'Amora Obscura.

I have to confess I can't translate this part of the song as I am not able to translate pin-light for a start

good job et je ne t'envoye pas des roses

[milkisobel]

enfoiré
pin-light is french translated by "spot" as bathroom spot, but hum...it's not a really nice word, but yeah, it's more accurate with "bent" like an "oriented spot", have to sleep on it
good job with the newspaper-poem reference ! and also for the "quand le jardin s'éveille à moi" of course !
i really struggle with the individuelle / individualisme part

[Jordan~]

haha Alex, i think you overrate my ability of managing literature here, i don't embrace the rhyming pb as it's too tricky, it's enough tricky to find the meaning of expressions. Especially as i hate poetry translation, i'm so keen on poetry but as far as possible i only read poetry in VO even if i restrict myself to three languages...

concerning hôtesse, attendant means stewart no ? i like hôtesse better as it's both in french the woman who serves you in plane and the person who invites you in her home, i like this double meaning especially with the house and individuality further

Translating poetry is all I'm good at, translation wise (I translated Solidarity Forever into metrical, idiomatic Latin), so I might have a look at that if I have time.

[milkisobel]

you're crazy

[Nemo]

So Jordan you speak french ?

[milkisobel]

Alex is a cyborg, is has a google translate algorythme in his brain

[Alex Ysoltsev]

Alex is a cyborg, is has a google translate algorythme in his brain

At first I thought that it was addressed to me
Is Jordan~ Alex as well?

[Jordan~]

Yes! I'm Alex. And I 'speak French' in the sense that I can read a lot of French with the help of a dictionary (or Google Translate).

[Nemo]

so you almost can but you can read then you understood all the bullshit milki and I wrote in French on this board

[Jordan~]

so you almost can but you can read then you understood all the bullshit milki and I wrote in French on this board

I figure you're speaking privately and it would be eavesdropping if I translated.

[milkisobel]

i never write bullshit, i'm a fucking unicorn, each post of mine is filled with gold

[milkisobel]

are you agree that i change the "étincelle tordue" by "sténopé" as this word design the hole of the box where the light turns uʍop ǝpısdn ? as the result is not a point on the photographic picture but inverted image. Then it means something that her life is uʍop ǝpısdn blabla
?

@Nemo, not my real name on openly forum dear, i'm Milky, just Milky

[Nemo]

I apologize Milky

are you agree that i change the "étincelle tordue" by "sténopé"

wonderful the word is beautiful.

go for it hun as I go with the flu

[milkisobel]

i definitely took liberties with the last lines, but it suits better to me in the meaning.
Nemo, be brave for this first flu of the season ! ask for a naughty nurse you'll feel better

[under a CPell]

Perhaps:

Ma vie vient et va (although "va et vient" sounds better, the life first comes and then goes?)

and then in the second verse:

Ma vie venait et allait (past tense)

Vol court, chute libre ?